Yusuke and Kuwabara Versus The Santa!
by Awesome Will v1
Summary: While Christmas shopping, Yusuke and Kuwabara get on the wrong side of a department store Santa. But what happens when they make him too mad? Merry Christmas in July!


Disclaimer: I have no real rights to Yu-Yu Hakusho, FUNImation, department store Santas or pretty much anything I write in this FanFic.  
----------  
Yusuke Urameshi and Kazuma Kuwabara, the typical punks of their high school, were trying not to be seen as they walked through a local department store with bags in hand. It was Christmas season, and so they wouldn't get ambushed by a bunch of women expecting Christmas gifts, they went out and bought some at the local department store.  
  
"Man, I've spent almost all of my money..." Yusuke complained.  
  
"Oh, don't whine, Urameshi. We might as well have" Kuwabara replied. "Plus, if I didn't buy Shizuru a gift she'd do what she did last year"  
  
"And what's that?" Asked Yusuke.  
  
"Kicked me in the crotch, shoved a cigarette down my pants, shoved my head in some potato salad, stripped me down to my underwear and threw me in front of my family, and yelled "OWNED!". Hmph..." Yusuke just looked at Kuwabara, thankful that he wasn't in the same family as him. Kuwabara continued. "And that was that time when I was ten when she poured chocolate sauce all over me, put hot dogs down my pants, threw me in a yard full of dogs and yelled "BE JOLLY, YOU IDIOT!". And then--"  
  
"All right, I get the picture" Yusuke quickly said before having to hear any more of these stories. "How about we get some hot dogs and chocolate sauce?"  
  
"Yeah, that's--HEY!" Kuwabara began to mutter. "I got some spare cash left, why don't we go to the arcade and blow it?"  
  
Yusuke pulled a list out of his pocket. "Let's see...mom, check, Keiko, check, Botan, check, Kurama, check, Hiei..." Yusuke took out a pen and scribbled out a name. "Never mind that one. Yeah, I got everyone. And a few bucks to spare. Let's go"  
  
The two of them began to walk off, heading towards the arcade that was next to the department store. On the way there, they spotted a little mini-North Pole where the store Santa Clause was sitting. He smiled as the last child leapt off his lap and ran off to her mother. He looked over and saw Yusuke and Kuwabara. "Hello, boys!" He said, waving a red glove. "Would you like to come tell Santa what you want for Christmas?"  
  
Kuwabara simply looked strangely at the man, while Yusuke started to laugh. "Yeah, right. Pretty funny, Minimum Wage. Maybe next year"   
  
"How rude" The Santa said. "You boys need to learn some respect. Now you're not getting any candy canes"  
  
Kuwabara's look completely changed. "Oh, Yusuke said the mean stuff, not me! I want candy canes! Me! Me! Me!"   
  
"Kuwabara!" Yusuke scolded.  
  
"All right, sure" Replied the Santa. "But first...punch yourself in the face"  
  
"Uh...all right!" Kuwabara raised his right fist and smashed it right into his face. Yusuke seemed annoyed at Kuwabara's latest antics. Kuwabara stumbled back, then pulled his fist out of his face. He walked over to the Santa and smiled. "Okay Santa, I did it, now can I have a candy cane?"  
  
"Sorry, your tooth is cracked now" Santa replied, smirking. "I can't give candy with children with cracked teeth" Kuwabara looked in disbelief. "Just kidding" He handed a candy cane to Kuwabara. "See, young man, if you were good like him, you'd get one too"  
  
"If I wanted to punch myself in the face like a dumbass I'll come to you" Yusuke replied. "Go get a real job, old man. Come on, Kuwabara" With that, Yusuke and Kuwabara walked off.  
  
"Gr..." The store Santa growled. "I'll show them...or my name isn't Santa Claus!"  
  
"Ready to take your break, Cosako?" Asked another Santa, walking up.  
  
"Yeah, sure" The first Santa walked off. "And now...revenge! HAHAHAHA--I mean, ho ho ho" He said, noticing the second Santa staring. He walked off.  
----------  
Yusuke and Kuwabara entered Kuwabara's house, where everyone had been invited to have dinner before exchanging gifts. Botan, Keiko, Shizuru and Atsuko were already at the table, waiting for the last of the guests to arrive.  
  
"We're here" Announced Yusuke as the two took seats at the table. He reached out to grab one of the biscuits, only to have his hand slapped by a spatula. "Ow! What was that for?"  
  
Atsuko put down the spatula and looked angrily at Yusuke. "We're not eating until everyone else comes. We still have more people"  
  
"And who would that be?" Asked an annoyed Yusuke.  
  
"Yukina, of course!" Kuwabara said, chuckling strangely, and turning red all the while. "I can't wait, she'll love what I bought for her"  
  
"They're not the only ones, Kuwabara" Botan corrected. "Kurama and Hiei were also invited. Kurama will come, and knowing him, he'll make Hiei come too.   
  
"Oh, Yusuke, I left my presents outside" Atsuko remembered. "Why don't you get them?"  
  
"Fine..." Yusuke muttered. He and Kuwabara went outside and found a stack of presents as tall as they were. They groaned and began picking up the packages.  
  
"Urameshi...I can't hold these!" Kuwabara groaned.  
  
"Neither can I..." Yusuke said. The two began to trip. Keiko opened the door, allowing them to come in before the presents fell.   
  
"Wow, you two sure need to concentrate" Keiko said as an annoyed Yusuke and Kuwabara brought the presents inside and dropped them by the tree.  
  
"Stupid presents..." Yusuke complained. He walked back to the table.  
  
"Oh sure, leave me to get the door..." Kuwabara muttered. He went to it, and saw a note. "Ah...ah...AHHH! Urameshi, come quick!"  
  
"What is it, Kuwabara?" Yusuke walked over to Kuwabara, who was shaking.  
  
"L-look!" Kuwabara pointed to the paper "Deck the halls with your stretched out intestines...fa la la la la la la la la! From, your good friend...Santa!"  
  
"AHHH!" The two of them yelled.  
  
"What's wrong, boys?" Asked Botan, who walked over to the currently freaking out Yusuke and Kuwabara. "Did you see something?"  
  
"N-nothing Botan" Yusuke quickly stuffed the paper in his pocket. "Don't worry, go back and have some dinner, would ya? We'll be right there"  
  
"If you say so" Botan walked back to the kitchen as well.  
  
"What do we do?" Yusuke whispered. "That Santa is MAD!"  
  
"It's just a store Santa, Urameshi" Kuwabara replied. "He can't do anything to us"  
  
"Is that why you're shaking?" Asked Yusuke, pointed to Kuwabara's knees. Kuwabara's knees were shaking badly.  
  
"Shut up!" Kuwabara yelled. "Let's just go back and act like this never happened. We'll sort it out later when the time comes" Whistling, Kuwabara casually went back to the kitchen, Yusuke following. The two sat down, looking nervous.  
  
The doorbell rang.  
  
"Oh, that must be them" Shizuru said. "Little brother, go get the door"  
  
"But, I--"  
  
"GET IT!" Shizuru yelled. Kuwabara growled angrily and walked over.  
  
He walked to the door and opened it. At the door as Kurama, Hiei and Yukina, bearing presents. "Oh, hi" Kuwabara groaned annoyed.  
  
"Hi Kazuma" Yukina greeted. Kuwabara chuckled and turned red. "Here, I got you a present" She handed Kuwabara a present wrapped in green and red.  
  
"Oh, thanks, Yukina!" Kuwabara chuckled. "I got something for you, too, come on..."  
  
"Well, let's get this over with" An annoyed Hiei said as Kuwabara brought Yukina to the Christmas tree to try and impress her with his gift. "I can't believe you dragged me here"  
  
"I didn't want you to miss out, that's all" Kurama replied. He joined everyone else at the table, and after some greetings here and there, Hiei and Kurama were seated and ready for dinner. Yukina and Kuwabara rejoined them, and soon everyone was seated.  
  
"This is nice. Okay, dig in!" Atsuko cheerfully said. Soon, everyone was picking food and began to eat. Even Hiei seemed cheerful for the dinner.  
  
The doorbell rang once more.  
  
"Oh, someone else" Yusuke stood up. "I'll get it"  
  
"Let me come too" Kuwabara followed Yusuke. "Just in case it's...you know"  
  
"Not in front of them, Kuwabara" Yusuke said quietly. The two walked out.  
  
"If they're having a gay relationship, they might as well just tell us" Hiei said through a mouthful of macaroni and cheese.  
  
Yusuke opened the door, and looked outside, as did Kuwabara. No one was there. "Guess we were just hearing things..." Yusuke pointed out, until a voice greeted them.  
  
"Hello, boys" Out stepped the Santa from the department store. "Having fun?"  
  
"AHHH!" Screamed Yusuke and Kuwabara, stepping back.  
  
"Time to beat your asses, Santa-style!" Santa pulled out a three-foot long plastic candy cane.   
  
"Run!" Kuwabara yelled. The two of them began to run. They went around the house and reached the other side quite quickly. The stopped, panting. "Okay, we got away"  
  
"Oh really?" Santa stepped up. The two gasped and stepped back. From behind them, a second Santa came. They moved to the side, and the other. There was five Santas in total, surrounding them.  
  
"AHHH!" They yelled.  
  
Yusuke suddenly realized something. "Hey, wait, what am I doing?" He pointed a finger at the original Santa. "SPIRIT GUN!" He yelled, shooting the blast of energy.  
  
"You're ho-ho-HORRIBLE!" Santa swung his candy cane and shot the Spirit Gun right back at Yusuke and Kuwabara.  
  
"AHHH!" They screamed for the umpteenth time. The Spirit Gun came back twice as hard and sent them flying into the side of the house. With that, the other four Santas took out four-foot long plastic candy canes, walked forward. The two could only yell as the Santas moved forward and proceeded to repeatedly whack Yusuke and Kuwabara continually with them.  
  
"Now there's something you don't see everyday" Hiei commented as everyone at the table looked out the window at Yusuke and Kuwabara getting pounded by the department store Santas, screaming all along.  
------  
Merry Christmas in July! You should know what that is... 


End file.
